Disclaimer: This piece does not include steps or tricks to explain yourself to others. It deals with how to avoid it.
We often fall into misconceptions and get judgemental about an event or a person. It can be due to very simple reasons or events like, not picking up your call, not replying to your texts, doesn’t look like they are listening to you, not finding yourself important in someone’s life, etc.
To understand this behavior, it is important to understand the definition of the term “Individual” — single, separate. It also means that not everyone is having the same mindset as you and it is less likely that they might think like you. Your definition and perception of something might be different for them.
Adulthood is all about realizing that the person on the other end has a life to live. We never know what someone is going through at any given point in time. It is better not to make it any difficult. Someone might be having the time of his life and still staying calm. Someone might be on the verge of losing it and still smiling outside. You never know!
On the contrary, when we are on the receiving end, we tend to explain ourselves over and over. Trying to find out reasons to justify our actions, words, and efforts. Not because you need to explain it, but sometimes our mind tricks us into believing that the person is important which might not be true always.
But, is this the right way?
Is it worth the effort?
The answer is No.
You do what you do the way you do. There is no single explanation for that. Anyone who demands an explanation might not have a clear understanding of your life or your decisions. Also, they don’t listen to or perceive your explanations well anyway. You might notice a pattern, where it is back to square one after many explanations. This is toxic.
The only way to fix personal short-comings is through self-realization. It doesn’t mean that you should never accept criticism. It is important to be picky in these situations. You can consider yourself lucky if you have people around, who push your limits with constructive criticism.
The next time you are in a situation where you have to explain yourself, just ask these three simple questions.
Is this required?
Will this person perceive it well?
Is it worth the effort?
Whenever you get 2 Nos out of 3, just skip and try not to put yourself in that situation ever again.